|Back to the old days...
||[Dec. 30th, 2011|09:14 am]
Haha. Well, not so much, just back when I used to post to LJ.
I haven't anymore.
I've tried, put apps on my phone to try and remind me to post, done all kinds of things to try and get myself to put things up here, but I just can't seem to do it. Maybe it's just because I've never really had things to talk about, or because it's hard to sit down and write, but I just can't.
Perhaps I'll try more as a new years' resolution or something. Mostly I post on Google+ now, since I've never been an adopter of Twitter or Facebook. Google+ has the privacy I want, in something that can do pretty much everything I need, without the creep of ads and such. I know I'm still the product, but at least I'm less aware of it. :P
Anyways, to my friends on here, and ones I see locally, I want to apologize.
When I first moved down here, I was eager to have friends, I hugged anyone who wanted one and did my best to make everyone happy.
I'm not the same.
I've put up walls. I don't know if it's from people I've met, relationships I've been in, projects I'm working on, or just lazyness. Either way, I'm not the same person my friends once knew.
I suppose there's a few parts to it, that I can think of off the top of my head.
I feel like I've had a lot of friends who were okay with being my friend. Not because they wanted it, just because it was convenient. It's great when I'm the one initiating conversation, making plans, doing whatever, but if I'm not working, they aren't there to pick up the slack, to return the favor, to show their willingness to continue. I'm not singling someone out, this is a number larger than a few.
And while it's alright to grow apart.. (not everyone will stay friends forever) I kinda feel like it was an exodus as soon as I wasn't the one talking anymore. You feel empty, question yourself, wondering "did I ever have what I thought I had?"
I want to fix that. I want to mend relationships, grow together, spend more time with people that make my life what it is. I thrive on friends. Ask anyone, and whenever I go anywhere, do anything, I always wonder who else I can invite. It's part of who I am.
That's not the only reason. I've been getting involved a lot more with our local hackerspace, FamiLAB. It's grown from a ragtag group of 6 or so people into over 30 paying members, 4000 sq ft of space, and a lot of equipment and stuff. We're holding classes, starting new programs, reaching out to the community, and really growing quickly. It's a lot of change, and I'm really excited about it. That also means it's taking up more of my time. I'm spending hours and hours there, and while it's a cool group to be a part of, it's segregated into a different part of my life. We don't usually get together after the lab and hang out, the lab IS the hang out. So, it's kind of compartmentalized like that.
It does take me away from hanging out with my other friends though, which is something I'd like to work to fix. I want to schedule my time better.
I have a new job now, too, working downtown. It's a pretty small company that does some big things with IVR technology, and I'm basically working on lots and lots of servers. Pretty much something I've always wanted to do. I'm learning shell scripting, Perl, and doing my best to get a lot more of the network foundations down, as well as learning some common IOS/Juniper stuff to set up routers. I have some odd hours from time to time, but I'm getting paid more, I get perks like company laptop/cellphone, and can work from home from time to time. It's a gig I hope I can hang onto for a good long while.
So, that's kind of a recap of my life as of late. A lot of things have changed for the better, some for the worse, but overall I think I'm moving forward. I just had my 27th birthday, and I feel old. I look at the fandom and see how many people in it are so much younger than me.. then realize I've been doing this for over 12 years. Sure blew by, those twelve.
Here's to one more.
TL/DR: Read the post. There's only one a year or so, 3 minutes won't kill you.